Are men really getting smaller?

These are certainly not the best of times for today’s men. Findings show they’re short, smelly and liars! The case of the shrinking penis! Let’s hope it really is what they do with it and not the size that matters because a recent study shows men’s penises are getting smaller! This shocking discovery by the Life-style Condom Company (with a bit of help from latex-gloved nurses) is bound not to thrill either sexes. Previously, the Kinsey S3x Report put the average penis size at between 6.2 and 6.4 inches, but the condom poll claims it’s now 5.877 inches—with two thirds of the 1,000 men studied measuring between 5.1 and 6.2 inches. This discovery could answer two of our times most perplexing questions: Why vibrator sales are at a record high and why ex-girl-friends keep going back to their well endowed lovers. Short-men Syndrome: It’s official; short men have less luck with the ladies. The discovery, set to shock vertically challenged men everywhere, comes from Southampton Hospital. They have evidence that birth size influences emotional development. After studying 3,500 medical records and comparing them to marital status, social class and income, the team claims small babies are programmed to be shy in the womb and small boys, who grow to be short adults, are less likely to marry early. I love you, but ... So there’s a scientific excuse after all! The reason men have an urge for one-night stand is testosterone. Even though they may believe they have a huge attraction to a woman one night, when reality and or sobriety hits, the feelings disappear as quickly as they arrived. Men are different because the centres for emotion and reason are better connected in a woman’s brain. And, because women aren’t out of control on testosterone, they find it easier to evaluate whether a man is potentially the right partner. Dirty, dirty boys! Despite years of cajoling from the girls and all the cosmetics firms spending hundreds of thousands of naira to persuade them to use their grooming products, men still spend less than 15 minutes in the bathroom each morning. But, don’t despair! This trend is set to change—a recent Mintel survey found that the under-24 age group are now more likely to spend up to an hour making the effort to look and smell good.